Boyfriends, Friendships and Relationships.. ugh! :-\

If you have ever read my past blogs then I've posted plenty about my love life, since this blog is about me obviously... After all the love searching, then no searching something came to me. Little did I know it was ALL a trick, a lie, a plan to make me fall in love and surrender my virginity!

Thats what happend and sadly to say the shit worked!. It all started May 29th 2010 it was exactly two days after my high school graduation and me n tyrone(my bestie) went to the mall to meet up with my other friend mr.Anonymous. I was happily single at the time, not really talkin to anyone in that way I was jus kinda doin me. The conversation that i had with Mr. Anonymous that night had me thinking "Wow he's really letting me in and opening up he must like me!" He was so cute, sexy body and he just FIT what I was looking for. We went to my house after swimming and we were alone (my mom was on a date) while we were tryin to figure out how he was gone get home we were sitting on the bed jus lookin at eachother then he asked me out.

Yes I was a bit shocked by this, because it was our 1st time hangin out but something about it felt so right so I said yes.

Skipping past all the sapping relationship drama shit. Onto the good stuff.

Yess I am proud to admit I was a 18 year old high school graduate who was still a virgin waiting to give the prescious gift of virginity to the one who loved me! After a bout a whole month of dating(but 2 months of talkin) I loved him, the conversation Never got old, he made me laugh an smile when I was with him, about a week before the sex I told him I loved him. I wasnt sure how he took it.. I mean yes he had already said it but it was over the phone kinda thing so the day I told him I was in love with him was July 2nd 2010 and I specifically remember because that was the day I gave myself to him, mentally, physically, and emotionally.. In my mind he was "The One"

We had about 3 weeks of fighting and arguing then by July 25th 2010 it was over, we had broken up. I was hurt, but he told me that he just couldnt handle a relationship right at that moment but we could "be friends" me still being in love I accepted it.

From the time we broke up I lost count of how many times we hung out. We had been having the best times since the break up but something was still missing for me.

He says "we were friends" I say "we had the relationship without the title".. the BIG thing that killed the "relationship without the title" he got back with his first love/ex/possible baby momma. My heart literally felt broken there was a pain in my chest and it wouldnt go away.

Have you ever felt like somebody said something to you to piss you off jus to see your reaction? I believe thats what he did to me on Thursday this past week. It started with innocent conversation that he tainted with lies, an stories of sexual encounters with HER which I really didn"t want to kno.. he proceeded to tell me "You never meant anything to me, I never loved you, never will, you so stupid I got you to buy me stuff when I aint that stupid I would never spend my money on you, I had you cryin over me, it didnt take long to get in your pants either, I just used you as some pussy until i could get back with HER".


Painful words to read from someone who you claimed as your "1st love" from that message I decided that he was trying to purposely break me down and I wasn't having that kinda negativeness in my life. After saying what I had to say I deleted his number and pics and ALL 7,000 of our msgs exchanged between us. I was cutting him off.

I was used, mistreated and emotionally abused by someone who I loved! I loved him so much I wanted to be around him all the time, he was my bestfriend or so I thought.

I try not to trip on it too much now because he didnt deserve me yet I gave all of myself to this "man".

I know I'm only 18 but I'm a good woman! I've always been very responsible. I know that if I got a guy who treated me like a queen and loved me for who I truely am not for what I look like or what I could give them. I'm a sweet kind hearted person who jus wants to have fun without all the games. Im so easy to please all i ask for is quality time!

He didnt seem like sucha asshole when we were friends but now i know the truth.

I wish I could take it all back! All of it, the day at the pool, the 5 times we had sex, all the emotional conversations I want it back! I know its impossible but it would be really nice..

Word of advice make sure if your gonna date your friend make sure youve seen there true colors already.

Until I find a guy who's good and can provide for himself an have some goals, then I will remain Abstainent AND single!

He was a big waste of my time... I sincerly apologize to the female who ends up being with him forever.