~Heartless~

In every relationship I've ever been in it was the guy who always ended it.. Nd it made me think like damn how could they be so heartless? I still dnt really understand it cause most of them go out n find some other chick n 9 times outta 10 I'm wayy prettier then them so ppl tell me lol but yea they find these other girls that are lyk not even on ma level n they jus magically fall in love wit them n it pisses me off, not sayin that you cnt find love n I dnt want you to be happy but I mean damn why the fuck weren't you happy wit me? I have a really coo personality, I'm nice, I give dudes they space cuz I need mines too, lyk I'm not clingy n I'm a hella cool female so boys have told me, so wtf if the problem? I jus dnt understand it. Nd I noticed that a lot of guys jus keep talkin to me because ima virgin nd they wanna take my virginity which is not gonna happen until I fall in love, that's lyk my virginity plan. Not gonna lose it until I fall in love, haven't fallin in love so I'm not giving it away to jus some random guy that likes me because then its not special to me like I need to be like sooooooo deep in love wit you before you get anywhere even remotely close to gettin in my skinny jeans lol. So this year ima sen10r in high school and I was thinkin about finishing off my senior year without a boyfriend so I can just focus on important stuff like finding a job and possibly graduating early if its in the cards for me but I don't know yet. I've been single for 9 months and some days nd I'm happy I guess I mean I'd rather be single then waste my time on a dude who's jus wit me so he can fuck cuz that's not even goin down homie lol. I've been thinkin tho maybe I should date a few guys not officially commit but date a few guys jus to have fun I mean there's no harm in that. But I don't know, I'm not tryna get attached to nobody cuz my feelings always get hurt and I'm tired of feeling the pain so I'm not gonna put myself in no situations like that. I was talking to my mom yesterday tellin her about one of my ex's and she's like it doesn't matter what happend with them in the past if they left outta your life then there must be a reason why they left so rite now jsu focus on school nd finding a job and in a few months then look for a prom date lol I was like yea I kno but even if I dnt find a guy to take to prom wit me ima jus go wit some friends. Ima jus be heartless like those guys who did it to me. Or maybe I'll jus stay single.. Idk I'll figure it out.

I'm tired of gettin hurt.